Pick Your Community: | Hopkins | Muhlenberg | Daviess | Christian | Henderson | Lakes | McCracken | Webster
Davis Motor Sales banner ad

New Beginnings with Gayla – Conflict Communication

NewBeginnings Gayla 01KENTUCKY (7/27/13) - We are in constant communication every hour of every day. We have to have discussions with family, friends, neighbors, acquaintances, co-workers, and bosses. We should all be masters of communication, right? Unfortunately, many people lack good communication skills, especially during conflict and confrontation. I definitely have not mastered communication skills yet, but I have learned much within the last three years. Today, I want to share with you some of the skills I have learned for better communication during conflict that will be healthy for yourself and others.

When dealing with conflict, there are typically four types of communication styles:
1. Passive – This is the category that I fell into. The passive person wishes to avoid disagreements and/or confrontation at all costs. I use to avoid confrontation like the plague! Passive individuals will not speak their minds or their truth(s) during conflict; they typically won’t speak up at all because they really don’t know what to say. They are afraid that if they do say something, they may “look silly”. They are also afraid of hurting another person’s feelings if they did speak up. Ignoring the situation is the passive person’s best tool for handling what is going on.

2. Passive aggressive – The way in which the passive aggressive individual handles conflict is to not speak their truth(s) to the person they are in conflict with; but they will go to a third party and speak their truth(s) to them. The passive aggressive person has something to say and know what that is; they just don’t know how to convey that to the person they are in a disagreement with.

3. Aggressive – This form of communication is characterized by approaching the other person from a defensive state. Yelling, name-calling, dominating the conversation, and blaming are all strategies used by the aggressive person. The individual using the aggressive form of communication lets their emotions take over the confrontation.

4. Assertive – The assertive person is confident. The assertive person speaks their truth(s) fluently. They do not allow their emotions get the best of them. They come to the confrontation with the desire to arrive at an agreement that both parties can benefit from.

Which of these four styles do you fit into?

The passive communication style doesn’t work well because you are not able to stand up for yourself and what you believe. You aren’t able to resolve the matter at hand full. Eventually, the passive individual may be looked at as a “push over”, which is not healthy for someone’s self-esteem.

The passive aggressive style doesn’t work well because, just like the passive communication style, you are not able to fully resolve disagreements.

The aggressive style doesn’t work well because when you start a conversation on the defense, the other person gets defensive as well. Then, a yelling match ensues and as stated above, nothing gets resolved.

Clearly, the assertive communication style is the best approach not only with conflict, but also when speaking your truth/opinions. By being assertive you gain confidence and earn respect. You stay in control of yourself and the situation as well. This way, you can resolve the conflict and move on to better things.

How do you become assertive? By realizing that conflict and disagreement are inevitable and when it happens, you have a right to voice your opinion and any problem-solving ideas that you have.

Here are some tips for properly handling conflict/disagreements:
•Take a 60 second to 24 hour time out when a disagreement arises. This helps eliminate saying something that you don’t mean and allows time to problem-solve.
•Ask yourself what it is that you would like to see happen.
•Once you have figured out what it is that you want, think of ways that this can be done so that you both benefit.
•After you have thought of a way to overcome the conflict, approach the person confidently and privately. Make direct eye contact when speaking, stand up straight, use “I” messages.
• Start the conversation off on a positive note.
•Tell the other person your evaluation of the issue at hand and ask for their feedback, letting them know that you want the best possible outcome for all concerned.
•If the conflict has to do with a misunderstanding, clearly speak what you meant.
•End by thanking the other person for their time, hearing what you had to say, and thank them for their participation in clearing things up.

Resolving conflict in this manner shows others the respect they deserve and allows for your feelings to be heard. Remember – we all were given a voice, so use it in a positive manner.

Gayla
www.newlifebeginnings.us

 

Disclaimer: The content supplied by columnists and letters to the Editor on this site does not in any way, shape or form, implied or otherwise, necessarily express or suggest endorsement or support of any of such content, statement, or opinions therein. SurfKY News does not necessarily adhere to or endorse content provided by outside non-staff sources.

© Copyright 2014 SurfKY News Group, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or rewritten without permission. SurfKY News encourages you to share this story by using one of the social media links below.

In Other News...

Hopkins County Sheriff's Arrest Reports Released

HOPKINS COUNTY, Ky. (9/22/14) — The Hopkins County Sheriff's Office released the following arrest reports Monday, Sept.… Read More

Third Suspect Charged in Greenville Home Invasion Cases

MUHLENBERG COUNTY, Ky. (9/22/14) ― The third of three suspects in the home invasion cases in Greenville has been… Read More

Most Read This Week (Site-Wide)

September 19, 2014 4877

Madisonville Man Among Three Arrested for…

in Top Stories by Muhlenberg Sheriff Curtis McGehee
September 20, 2014 3752

Large Cache of Drugs, Cash, Gun Seized;…

in Top Stories by MCSO PIO Alex Piper
September 19, 2014 2888

Five Injured in Two-Vehicle Collision at…

in Top Stories by MPD Officer Russell Nichols
September 22, 2014 2676

Medical Emergency Ends in Drug Arrest at…

in News by Madisonville Police Department
September 19, 2014 2566

Focus on Hopkins County: Crossfire

in News by Focus on Hopkins County

Most Read Stories from Hopkins County

September 19, 2014 2888

Five Injured in Two-Vehicle Collision at…

in Top Stories by MPD Officer Russell Nichols
September 22, 2014 1941

Man Arrested for Slashing Tires

in Top Stories by Madisonville Police Department
September 22, 2014 1713

Man Strikes Tree, Arrested for DUI,…

in Top Stories by Madisonville Police Department
September 19, 2014 1530

My Kentucky Roads - Twin Maples Farm in…

in Top Stories by Amber Averitt, SurfKY News
September 20, 2014 1223

Teams Race to Benefit Hopkins County…

in Top Stories by Ami Clayton, SurfKY News

Most Read Stories from Owensboro

September 20, 2014 1160

Man Charged with Theft After KSP…

in Top Stories by Alexis McGee
September 19, 2014 928

STREET CLOSINGS FOR MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 22

in Top Stories by Abby Shelton
September 19, 2014 914

Police Searching for Hit-And-Run Driver

in Top Stories by Jennifer Smith, DCSO
September 22, 2014 493

Buffalo Paint Out Brings Regional Artists…

in Top Stories by Owensboro Museum of Fine Art
September 19, 2014 416

Owensboro Museum of Fine Art News

in Top Stories by Owensboro Museum of Fine Art

Most Read Stories from Muhlenberg County

September 20, 2014 3752

Large Cache of Drugs, Cash, Gun Seized;…

in Top Stories by MCSO PIO Alex Piper
September 20, 2014 1814

Paradise NRA Banquet Promises Food, Fun,…

in Top Stories by Paul McRee, SurfKY News
September 22, 2014 1814

Third Suspect Charged in Greenville Home…

in Top Stories by MCITF PIO Wes Miller
September 22, 2014 1173

Muhlenberg Bass Team Members Score…

in Top Stories by Paul McRee, SurfKY News
September 22, 2014 1136

Hundreds Turn Out for Greenville Festival

in Top Stories by Charles W. Riley II, SurfKY News

SurfKY News Group, Inc. Central Office & Printing Division
1125 Nebo Rd.  •  Madisonville, KY 42431  •  270.452.2249 (fax)
Main Number: 270.452.2727 (phone)  •  Printing Division Direct Line: 270.821.8600 (phone)


Contact a member of our staff: www.surfky.com/contact
Copyright © 2014 SurfKY News Group, Inc.  •  Terms of Use  •  Site Map

social 03social 04social 22social 21social 06