Pick Your Community: | Hopkins | Muhlenberg | Daviess | Christian | Henderson | Lakes | McCracken | Webster

New Beginnings with Gayla – Conflict Communication

NewBeginnings Gayla 01KENTUCKY (7/27/13) - We are in constant communication every hour of every day. We have to have discussions with family, friends, neighbors, acquaintances, co-workers, and bosses. We should all be masters of communication, right? Unfortunately, many people lack good communication skills, especially during conflict and confrontation. I definitely have not mastered communication skills yet, but I have learned much within the last three years. Today, I want to share with you some of the skills I have learned for better communication during conflict that will be healthy for yourself and others.

When dealing with conflict, there are typically four types of communication styles:
1. Passive – This is the category that I fell into. The passive person wishes to avoid disagreements and/or confrontation at all costs. I use to avoid confrontation like the plague! Passive individuals will not speak their minds or their truth(s) during conflict; they typically won’t speak up at all because they really don’t know what to say. They are afraid that if they do say something, they may “look silly”. They are also afraid of hurting another person’s feelings if they did speak up. Ignoring the situation is the passive person’s best tool for handling what is going on.

2. Passive aggressive – The way in which the passive aggressive individual handles conflict is to not speak their truth(s) to the person they are in conflict with; but they will go to a third party and speak their truth(s) to them. The passive aggressive person has something to say and know what that is; they just don’t know how to convey that to the person they are in a disagreement with.

3. Aggressive – This form of communication is characterized by approaching the other person from a defensive state. Yelling, name-calling, dominating the conversation, and blaming are all strategies used by the aggressive person. The individual using the aggressive form of communication lets their emotions take over the confrontation.

4. Assertive – The assertive person is confident. The assertive person speaks their truth(s) fluently. They do not allow their emotions get the best of them. They come to the confrontation with the desire to arrive at an agreement that both parties can benefit from.

Which of these four styles do you fit into?

The passive communication style doesn’t work well because you are not able to stand up for yourself and what you believe. You aren’t able to resolve the matter at hand full. Eventually, the passive individual may be looked at as a “push over”, which is not healthy for someone’s self-esteem.

The passive aggressive style doesn’t work well because, just like the passive communication style, you are not able to fully resolve disagreements.

The aggressive style doesn’t work well because when you start a conversation on the defense, the other person gets defensive as well. Then, a yelling match ensues and as stated above, nothing gets resolved.

Clearly, the assertive communication style is the best approach not only with conflict, but also when speaking your truth/opinions. By being assertive you gain confidence and earn respect. You stay in control of yourself and the situation as well. This way, you can resolve the conflict and move on to better things.

How do you become assertive? By realizing that conflict and disagreement are inevitable and when it happens, you have a right to voice your opinion and any problem-solving ideas that you have.

Here are some tips for properly handling conflict/disagreements:
•Take a 60 second to 24 hour time out when a disagreement arises. This helps eliminate saying something that you don’t mean and allows time to problem-solve.
•Ask yourself what it is that you would like to see happen.
•Once you have figured out what it is that you want, think of ways that this can be done so that you both benefit.
•After you have thought of a way to overcome the conflict, approach the person confidently and privately. Make direct eye contact when speaking, stand up straight, use “I” messages.
• Start the conversation off on a positive note.
•Tell the other person your evaluation of the issue at hand and ask for their feedback, letting them know that you want the best possible outcome for all concerned.
•If the conflict has to do with a misunderstanding, clearly speak what you meant.
•End by thanking the other person for their time, hearing what you had to say, and thank them for their participation in clearing things up.

Resolving conflict in this manner shows others the respect they deserve and allows for your feelings to be heard. Remember – we all were given a voice, so use it in a positive manner.

Gayla
www.newlifebeginnings.us

 

Disclaimer: The content supplied by columnists and letters to the Editor on this site does not in any way, shape or form, implied or otherwise, necessarily express or suggest endorsement or support of any of such content, statement, or opinions therein. SurfKY News does not necessarily adhere to or endorse content provided by outside non-staff sources.

© Copyright 2014 SurfKY News Group, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or rewritten without permission. SurfKY News encourages you to share this story by using one of the social media links below.

SurfKY TV

3/13 - 16

Stock Report

1 DOW 17,390.52
+195.10 (1.13%)    
2 S&P 2,018.05
+23.40 (1.17%)    
3 NASDAQ 4,630.74
+64.60 (1.41%)    
3/13 - 16
3/13 - 16

In Other News...

Calloway Student First in Speaking at FEA Regional

CALLOWAY COUNTY, Ky. (10/30/14) — Clara Arnold, a junior at Calloway County High School, placed first in impromptu… Read More

Calloway HS Student Chosen for U.S. Army All-American Marching Band

CALLOWAY COUNTY, Ky. (10/31/14) — At a ceremony held at Calloway County High School on Thursday Oct. 30, 2014, Letitia… Read More
3/13 - 16

Most Read This Week

October 29, 2014 9160

UPDATE: Medical Examiner's Official Report…

in Local (Lakes) Top News by Dennis Thomas
October 27, 2014 6255

Earlington Woman Charged With Burglary for…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Madisonville Police Department
October 29, 2014 4642

UPDATE: Two More Arrested for Meth at Area Motel

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Trooper Stu Recke
October 29, 2014 4621

Central City Businessman Indicted by Grand Jury…

in Top News For All Sites by Charles W. Riley II, SurfKY News
October 27, 2014 4471

Baptist Health Madisonville Performs Baptist…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Kristy Quinn
October 28, 2014 4435

UPDATE: 'Runner' Ran Home; Family Happy

in Hopkins News by Lisa Crook
October 28, 2014 3736

UPDATE: Extended to Wednesday; Heaven's Gates and…

in Local (Muhlenberg) Top News by Paul McRee, SurfKY News
October 28, 2014 3521

Hopkins County Grand Jury Indictments

in Hopkins News by Karen McKnight
October 27, 2014 3477

Woman Charged for Domestic Assault with Scissors,…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Madisonville Police Department
October 31, 2014 3418

UPDATE: Names Released: Three Injured When Pickup…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Rita Dukes Smith, SurfKY News Director

Stories Trending Today

October 31, 2014 3418

UPDATE: Names Released: Three Injured When Pickup…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Rita Dukes Smith, SurfKY News Director
October 30, 2014 2736

UPDATE: Missing Elderly Couple Found

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Chief William C. Crider
October 30, 2014 1908

Man Charged with Criminal Abuse of 2-Year-Old Girl

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Lt. Charles Young II
October 30, 2014 1812

Man Accused of Using Bass Guitar to Strike…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Madisonville Police Department
October 31, 2014 1643

Top Race Candidates Address Campaign Issues

in Hopkins News by SurfKY News
October 30, 2014 1601

Madisonville Police Arrest Reports - Oct. 30, 2014

in Hopkins News by Madisonville Police Department
October 30, 2014 1344

Man Charged for Criminal Trespassing at Cross…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Madisonville Police Department
October 30, 2014 1338

Bond, Conditions Set for Central City Man Accused…

in Local (Muhlenberg) Top News by Charles W. Riley II, SurfKY News
October 30, 2014 1219

MCTI to Present 'Anne of Green Gables'

in Local (Muhlenberg) Top News by Paul McRee, SurfKY News
October 30, 2014 1184

Golden Arches Added to City’s Eastern Skyline;…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Tammy Holloway, SurfKY News

SurfKY News Group, Inc.
Corporate Office & Studio
1125 Nebo Rd.  •  Madisonville, KY 42431
270.452.2727 (phone)
  •  270.452.2249 (fax)


Contact a member of our staff: www.surfky.com/contact
Copyright © 2014 SurfKY News Group, Inc.  •  Terms of Use  •  Site Map

social fbsocial twsocial yt
social gpsocial flrsocial rss