Pick Your Community: | Hopkins | Muhlenberg | Daviess | Christian | Fayette | Henderson | Lakes | McCracken | Warren | Webster
Davis Motor Sales banner ad

Dave Says – July 21, 2013

davesays300 greenKENTUCKY (7/21/13) – This week Dave discusses Getting the guilt trip and Wants aren’t emergencies.
 
Dear Dave,
My parents have always had financial problems, and they recently lost their home. They have a place to live, but since that time my father has been asking me for money. He calls me over to talk about this when my mother isn’t there and my husband isn’t home. He’s even asked for half of a $150,000 inheritance I received from my grandparents. He’s really making me feel guilty, and I’m not sure what to do. - Elena

Dear Elena,
Your brain knows what to do, but your heart is having a hard time doing it. Your father is a manipulator, and we’re not going to let that pattern continue. There’s nothing wrong with doing a few, short-term things to help them get back on their feet. But in return, you should expect them to change the behaviors that have put them in this situation.

Also, there should be no more private meetings with your father. If he wants to talk, make sure he understands it will be with your husband and mother present. To this point all of his schemes have been on the side, and this needs to be brought out into the open and stopped. You love your parents. That, along with your dad’s behavior, is what’s making this so difficult. But participating in this sort of thing isn’t going to help them. You take away a person’s dignity when you subsidize them permanently. You also change their status and their ability to stand on their own two feet.

Any help you give needs to be short-term in nature—a gift. You and your husband should be in agreement on exactly what you’re going to do, and it should be on your terms. Don’t get involved in giving them money every month for the rest of their lives just because they had you. That’s not how this works. There’s an ongoing sense of entitlement here that needs to be nipped in the bud! - Dave
 
Dear Dave,
My husband and I are trying to improve our financial situation by following your plan. We were wondering where home improvements fall in the Baby Steps. - Emily

Dear Emily,
Unless you’re talking about an emergency situation, home improvements would fall into the category of wants, not needs. If you’d like new carpet, nicer windows or an updated kitchen, these things need to wait until after you’ve completed the first three Baby Steps.

Let’s review. Baby Step 1 means saving up $1,000 in the bank for a starter emergency fund. Baby Step 2 is paying off all debts except for your home. The third Baby Step is going back to your emergency fund and building it up so you have an amount equal to three to six months of expenses in case something goes wrong.

Once you’ve gotten to this point, you’ll be able to save and do some other things, including a few home improvements! - Dave

* Dave Ramsey is America’s trusted voice on money and business. He’s authored four New York Times best-selling books: Financial Peace, More Than Enough, The Total Money Makeover and EntreLeadership. The Dave Ramsey Show is heard by more than 6 million listeners each week on more than 500 radio stations. Follow Dave on Twitter at @DaveRamsey and on the web at daveramsey.com.
 

Disclaimer: The content supplied by columnists and letters to the Editor on this site does not in any way, shape or form, implied or otherwise, necessarily express or suggest endorsement or support of any of such content, statement, or opinions therein. SurfKY News does not necessarily adhere to or endorse content provided by outside non-staff sources.

© Copyright 2014 SurfKY News Group, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or rewritten without permission. SurfKY News encourages you to share this story by using one of the social media links below.

In Other News...

Jackson Named Kentucky Colonel During Legislator's Luncheon

MADISONVILLE, Ky. (4/21/14) — Madisonville Mayor David Jackson receives an award designating him as an Honorary… Read More

West Hopkins Schools Scholarship Applications for Seniors Available

HOPKINS COUNTY, Ky. (4/22/14) — Planning to attend a four-year college or university? Need cash? West Hopkins School is… Read More

Most Read This Week (Site-Wide)

April 22, 2014 9227

18 EPA Earth Day Events Take Action on…

in News by EPA
April 21, 2014 4877

Meet The Hopkins County Magistrate…

in News by Rita Dukes Smith, SurfKY News Director
April 21, 2014 3229

Fire Destroys Old Tobacco Building in…

in Top Stories by Rita Dukes Smith, SurfKY News Director
April 22, 2014 3042

Three Juveniles Charged in Connection…

in Top Stories by Paul McRee, SurfKY News Reporter
April 18, 2014 2841

Daviess County School Board Hears…

in News by Dennis Beard, SurfKY News

Most Read Stories from Hopkins County

April 22, 2014 1809

Madisonville Woman Charged with Internet…

in Top Stories by Christopher Rogers
April 18, 2014 1543

Talking Teen Trashed Telephone Pole,…

in Top Stories by MPD
April 19, 2014 1522

Fifth Third on Main Street Comes Down

in Top Stories by Rita Dukes Smith, SurfKY News Director
April 19, 2014 1353

MPD Arrests Juveniles for Recent Rash of…

in Top Stories by Madisonville Police Department
April 18, 2014 1294

Earlington Traffic Stop Results in Meth…

in Top Stories by Trooper Stu Recke

Most Read Stories from Owensboro

April 18, 2014 2841

Daviess County School Board Hears…

in News by Dennis Beard, SurfKY News
April 18, 2014 2509

One Arrested, Another Injured in Single…

in News by J.D. Marksberry
April 21, 2014 2107

'Heath & Molly' Benefit Concert…

in Top Stories by Paul McRee, SurfKY News Reporter
April 21, 2014 1243

Owensboro Chamber Plans First ‘Lunch…

in News by Dennis Beard, SurfKY News
April 18, 2014 318

Second Children’s Advocacy Center of…

in Top Stories by Michael Hathaway

Most Read Stories from Muhlenberg County

April 21, 2014 3229

Fire Destroys Old Tobacco Building in…

in Top Stories by Rita Dukes Smith, SurfKY News Director
April 22, 2014 3042

Three Juveniles Charged in Connection…

in Top Stories by Paul McRee, SurfKY News Reporter
April 18, 2014 2350

Friends of Lake Malone Busy Hiding 1,500…

in Top Stories by Paul McRee, SurfKY News Reporter
April 18, 2014 1623

Muhlenberg Job Corps Employee of the Month

in Top Stories by Karen Robinson
April 21, 2014 1515

One Injured in Rosewood Wreck

in Top Stories by Trooper Stu Recke

SurfKY News Group, Inc. Central Office & Printing Division
1125 Nebo Rd.  •  Madisonville, KY 42431  •  270.452.2249 (fax)
Main Number: 270.452.2727 (phone)  •  Printing Division Direct Line: 270.821.8600 (phone)

SurfKY Owensboro News Bureau
920 Frederica St. / Suite 210  •  Owensboro, KY 42301  •  270.683-8060 (phone)


Contact a member of our staff: www.surfky.com/contact
Copyright © 2014 SurfKY News Group, Inc.  •  Terms of Use  •  Site Map

social 06social 21social 22social 04social 03