KENTUCKY (12/30/12) - The fact we actually survived another year is a tribute to somebody's tenacity; I am not sure whose. I know the only thing that got me through the year was the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and boy is she graciously tenacious. I was sure everything would collapse and of course, several times I collapsed in my easy chair.
It is a New Year, or so they tell us but I have my suspicions. After this latest episode with the Mayan's calendar, I am not too sure what date it is or what year it is, for that matter. They certainly got everything wrong and I have my suspicions about the rest of it.
How do we really know that January 1 is actually January 1? Moreover, how do we know what year it is exactly?
I think somewhere along the line somebody has pulled a scam on civilization and has messed up our calendars. If the Mayans got it wrong, maybe we have it wrong also.
Whatever day and whatever year it is I am going to celebrate the New Year. If I am wrong, I have a lot of company.
When we celebrate the New Year, there is nothing new about it. Everything we did last year we are going to be doing this year only we will be one year older. Perhaps as we get older we forget about what we have done and think we are doing something new. Hooray for senility!
I really do not care about that; my philosophy is, let's do it all over again. If it is worth doing the first time, it is worth doing again.
This brings me to a great point, which is, some things are worth repeating while other things are not. It is trying to find out the difference between these two that makes life challenging. I do not mind repeating things if I am in charge of what I am repeating.
I think we all should choose what we are going to repeat. For example, I wish I could choose a year to repeat.
If I could repeat any year, it would be 1971. That year represents the greatest con in the history of mankind. I am not sure anything like it has ever happened before or since. That was the year I married a young lady who turned out to be the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage.
What bothers me about this is why did she really marry me? Was it my charm and good looks or did she think I was rich? There have been times I have wanted to query her on this very subject but then, I am always afraid she will tell me the truth. I do not mind the truth of it does not involve anything personally. I just will settle with the fact that that was the year I conned her into marrying me.
We have been a great team ever since. She has kept me straight and I have given her opportunities to exercise that career, which she has become quite proficient.
One of the great things resulting from this marriage is the fact that she has been faithful to point out my mistakes. Through her help, I discovered I have quite a few mistakes.
I begin every year with a clean slate. I am able to celebrate January 1 with no mistakes whatsoever but then the next day my wife begins the ominous task of pointing out my mistakes. This is a joint effort, which leaves me out of joint often.
I have a little theory along this line. I think that if it is a mistake you have made before it should not count anymore. I think the only thing that should be legitimate to point out are new mistakes. I find myself so busy practicing my old mistakes that I rarely get around to making new mistakes.
All these years I have reveled in my old mistakes. Trying to find something new is a great strain on my little grey cells. At this point in my life, they are exhausted and are encouraging me to rely upon those old mistakes and give them a well-deserved rest.
At my stage in life I think new is overrated and, if experience is anything, something new is always taxing and in more ways than one. Do not let the government find out that you have something new or Uncle Sam will come knocking at your door with a gentle request for tax money.
There is an old saying that says insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting different results. Well, that does not describe me. I do not want different results. I like the results I have. I like doing the same thing over again because I know what to expect. And if ignorance in this area is bliss, I am the most blissful person on the planet.
My challenge this year is to surprise my wife with some unexpected new mistakes. Just one!
To get on the right track for the New Year, I start with the Bible. "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things are passed away: behold, all things are become new" (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV).
Instead of just celebrating the New Year, I plan also to celebrate that "new creature" in Christ. No mistake about it.
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