Pick Your Community: | Hopkins | Muhlenberg | Daviess | Christian | Henderson | Lakes | McCracken | Webster
Davis Motor Sales banner ad

New Beginnings with Gayla – Anxiety Series Part 9: Expectations and Anxiety

NewBeginnings Gayla 05KENTUCKY (1/20/13) - Like stated in my last anxiety series article, according to MedicineNet, over 60 million people will suffer with anxiety at one point in their life. Over four million people experience generalized anxiety each year. Panic attacks can start as early as 15 years of age.

Most people who know me and/or have been reading my column knows that I was one of the 60 million. I struggled with anxiety daily for 18 years. Within the next several weeks, I want to share with you about my life with anxiety and the road I took to find myself again. I feel it necessary to share my story, especially due to the staggering numbers of people who are suffering with this in silence. My hope is to help others just like myself, people who are drowning in worry daily.

I know that change and trying something new can be very scary. If your anxiety gets worse while reading these articles – it is normal and okay. Just feel the fear and do it anyway. The techniques I am sharing with you in these articles are the same techniques I used to overcome my anxiety. They work – if you work. Remember, what are you really gaining from staying where you are? Picture yourself how you would like to be – the person you can be without the anxiety. Write a description of him or her down and read it regularly. Let that be your motivation for change. Let it motivate you to feel the fear and do it anyway. I believe in you! If I can do it, so can you!

When our expectations are too high, we set ourselves up for disappointment. When I suffered from anxiety, my expectations were very high! I expected life to be fair to me always. I expected to be the perfect wife, mother, employee, and friend. I expected only good things to happen to me and my loved ones. Because of this belief system, I placed tremendous stress on myself. There was no way all this could possible happen all the time. Does any of this sound familiar? When someone has high expectations you place such a heavy burden on yourself. You rush around making yourself sick because you have to have a perfect dinner date. You push yourself to the limit when you are tired or ill because you have to be that perfect spouse or friend. You stress out and get so angry with life when things don’t go the way you plan because life is “supposed” to be perfect all the time.

All these expectations keep your body and mind in that stress response we discussed earlier. I knew that my expectations were unrealistic and they contributed greatly to my stress and worry; but knowing something and knowing how to do something about this bad habit are two different things. I want to teach you an exercise that I did to unveil my outrageous expectations. This helped me learn how to overcome them. You may need a good sized notebook for this one! This exercise is somewhat similar to the counteracting negative thoughts that I shared with you previously in this book.

When I learned that my expectations were causing a lot of my anxiety and worry, I grabbed a notebook and wrote down my expectations one by one. I then, underneath each one, wrote the question, “Can this happen all the time?” Is this something I have 100% control over at every second of every day?” If the answer was no (and it was 99% of the time) I’d then ask myself, “What belief system can I implement that is more realistic?” I’d then write a replacement statement that was more reachable. I then asked myself, “Which option seems more reasonable, the first one or the second one?” Usually the second was more reasonable. Then I’d ask myself, “Can I accept this?” If so, when will you accept it?

Here is an example of how this works, taken from my own expectation journal.

Expectation: I expect life to be fair and kind to me.
1.    Is it possible for life always to be fair and kind to me? No
2.    Why not? Because there are so many factors that I’d have to control in order for life always to be fair to me; like my lifespan, my health, my loved ones lifespans and health, the weather, and people’s free will. I would have to play God, which is impossible. I am only human.
3.    What replacement belief can I implement? Accept the fact that life can’t be fair and kind all the time. There are too many factors out of my control. I can also understand that since life has not always been fair for every living being that ever graced the earth, then how I can expect life to be fair to me?
4.    Is the second option more reasonable and realistic? Yes.
5.    Was the first option? No.
6.    Can I accept this? Yes.
7.    When will I accept it? Today.

See how this works? Once I finished this process I had seventeen full pages of unrealistic expectations! Seventeen!

I have learned that once my expectations were lowered and I took one day at a time and only that, my life goes much more smoothly and my anxiety levels have dropped significantly.
I encourage you to start an expectation journal/notebook and start this process with each of your expectations. It was such a freeing experience for me and I hope it is for you as well.

I want to share a quote with you. If you’d like, place this quote someplace where you will read it at least 2-3 times daily (on your mirror, pill bottle, car, etc.)
“Life is under no obligation to give us what we want.”

My next article will be about stopping negative thoughts.

Gayla

Check out my latest blog “The True Self”
www.newlifebeginnings.us

If you are interested in learning more about the program that helped my anxiety go to:
https://store.midwestcenter.com/takeyourlifeback


DISCLAIMER: This article is meant to support your overall well-being. This article is not meant to replace professional healthcare. I (Gayla Miller) am not a psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor, therapist, social worker or any other trained health professional. When you try the techniques outlined in these articles, you understand all of the above and you are participating by your own free will.

 

SurfKY News Disclaimer: The content supplied by columnists and letters to the Editor on this site does not in any way, shape or form, implied or otherwise, necessarily express or suggest endorsement or support of any of such content, statement, or opinions therein. SurfKY News does not necessarily adhere to or endorse content provided by outside non-staff sources.

© Copyright 2014 SurfKY News Group, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or rewritten without permission. SurfKY News encourages you to share this story by using one of the social media links below.

button coupons
Started 11/8/2013
Started 11/8/2013
Started 11/8/2013
Started 11/8/2013
Started 11/8/2013
Started 11/8/2013
button classifieds

In Other News...

Madisonville Police Arrest Reports - Nov. 20, 2014

MADISONVILLE, Ky. (11/20/14) — The Madisonville Police Department released the following reports Thursday, Nov. 20.… Read More

Man on Bicycle Struck by Vehicle on South Main

MADISONVILLE, Ky. (11/20/14) ― A Dawson Springs man was struck while riding a bicycle in Madisonville at 6:49 p.m. last… Read More
Started 11/8/2013
Started 11/8/2013

Most Read This Week

November 18, 2014 4836

Couple Charged for Concealing Food in Infant Car…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Madisonville Police Department
November 17, 2014 4422

Police Charge Woman for Drug Possession After…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Madisonville Police Department
November 15, 2014 3165

Faces & Stories: Hopkins County Tornado

in Video by Gary Gates, SurfKY News
November 17, 2014 2894

Bremen Woman Ejected From Vehicle During Kentucky…

in Local (Muhlenberg) Top News by Trooper S.C. Recke
November 19, 2014 2868

Three Injured in Two-Vehicle Collision on South…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Gwen Smith
November 15, 2014 2832

18-Year-Old Injured When Pickup Strikes Railroad…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Patrolman Falon Graham
November 19, 2014 2615

Two Killed When Vehicle Becomes Airborne, Strikes…

in Local (Owensboro) Top News by Daviess County Sheriff's Office
November 15, 2014 2591

PSC Approves Energy Efficiency Programs for…

in General News For All Sites by Rita Dukes Smith, SurfKY News Director
November 15, 2014 2163

Two Injured in Two-Car Collision at East Center,…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Patrolman Russell Nichols
November 18, 2014 2139

Area Talent to Film Music Video at Merle Travis…

in Local (Muhlenberg) Top News by Paul McRee, SurfKY News

Stories Trending Today

November 20, 2014 1544

Man on Bicycle Struck by Vehicle on South Main

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Officer Jeff Miller
November 20, 2014 1128

Man Accused of Kicking in Resident's Door,…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Patrolman Russell Nichols
November 20, 2014 1021

Madisonville Police Arrest Reports - Nov. 20, 2014

in Hopkins News by Madisonville Police Department
November 20, 2014 943

Local Church Prepares for 'Return to Bethlehem'

in Top News For All Sites Touching Hopkins by Gary Gates, SurfKY News
November 20, 2014 863

Commercial Truck Accident Closes Northbound Lanes…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Chris Rogers
November 20, 2014 789

Christmas Parades Set for Central City and…

in Local (Muhlenberg) Top News by Paul McRee, SurfKY News
November 20, 2014 773

Muhlenberg County Educator Selected for Induction…

in Local (Muhlenberg) Top News by WKU News
November 20, 2014 769

Evansville Man Charged with Forged Prescription…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Patrolman Russell Nichols
November 20, 2014 708

Tips for One-Income Families

in General News For All Sites by SurfKY News
November 19, 2014 633

TVA Supports 'Girls in Engineering and…

in Local (Hopkins) Top News by Joyce Riggs

SurfKY News Group, Inc.
Corporate Office & Studio
1125 Nebo Rd.  •  Madisonville, KY 42431
270.452.2727 (phone)
  •  270.452.2249 (fax)


Contact a member of our staff: www.surfky.com/contact
Copyright © 2014 SurfKY News Group, Inc.  •  Terms of Use  •  Site Map

social fbsocial twsocial yt
social gpsocial flrsocial rss