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Connie '007' Etherington Uses License to Thrill for BTE Week 4 Winner The Real Guru

While the rest of the crew was like fish out of water, flopping around sucking air, '007' was the smooth operator dealing the only 9-1 card.

OK, we had one 8-2 player, the steamy latin lover and former tire rotation specialist for George Michael, David 'Miquel' Brown. Seems 'Miguel' was invited to the 8-2 dinner but brought nothing to the table ... he forget to include a tie-breaking score.

In other words, he brought the guns but had no ammo. But we'll forgive and forget and place him on the panel anyway.

OK, for you kids out there (and there were several) who don't understand the rules ... tiebreaker means you include a score just in case we need to "break a tie" ... get it! You better start clapping when we break huddle ... get with the program or we'll send you to the White House to pick up all the fast food wrappers.

The players forgetting to cover their mouths with their play cards and punting 7-3 tickets were Gary 'the Professor' Goodaker (was Gilligan wearing boxers or briefs), 'Guest Expert' Doug 'Double D' Dennis and president of the Caldwell County Chapter who's been hampered by a sleep-related injury, neck strain while snoring, 'Toddler' Griffin. That guy is falling apart, at one time he could sleep 12 hours, wake up and eat a bowl of fruity pebbles and then go back to bed. The stress may be getting to him.

Let's take a look at our 6-4 entries including Andrew 'Mountain Man' Hudson (seems he pulled a hammy while changing the bag on the vaccum cleaner ... day-to-day status for his return to 100%), Tank 'Captain Comeback' Gibson (we keep waiting for the nickname to kick in), Jacob 'Gipper' Knight, George 'the Legend' Pirtle (going 6-4 for him is like passing a kidney stone ... it really hurts in all the wrong places), 'Tiny' Tim Sharp, and our newest Babe bringing the 'WOW-factor to her 'BTE' debut, Emily 'the Human Bruise' Begley. We appreciate her time, especially since that witness protection program has run its course. Living in the same place for 2 years makes us a little nervous ... but seems the urban setting of the big city has done her good ... she doesn't even flinch during a drive- by these days.

How about a couple more 6-4 kickers, Kent 'Muscles' Boswell, last seen delivering that hijacked Heisman back to New York in Reggie's slightly-used, and USC-provided limo.

'Muscles' is always willing to toss in a little pro-bono work. Don't forget Phil 'Hot Tub' Teer who was in charge of bringing lemons to last week's Tea Party. Toss 'the Brain' into the 6-4 mix and you have a virtual poopourri (is that how you spell that ... in this case I belive it is) of wisdom.

Topping the list of half-and-halfers is our favorite law boy Keith 'Storm Chaser' Cartwright, Greg 'Long Ball' Puckett, Susan 'Soup' Campbell, Chris 'Boy' George and Shaun 'Little T' Townsend (those acting lessons for you and Jeter have really payed off, keep up the good work).

Giddy-up 5-5 cowboy. .. our little Texas two-stepper Aaron 'Cougar Tamer' Teer took a left instead of a right at the square dance ... ended up dosie-doeing at the rear-end of the Teer clan. Whooooo Trigger, not to be outdone by the young wipper-snapper, Forrest 'Rambo' Teer busted his best 5-5 move. Why 'Rambo', why now, you say ... plenty of good rebates and tax breaks thanks to his connections with Congress. And like any good Demo, he was out creating jobs this week ... supervising Paris Hilton's community service ... passing out grocery buggies to loyal wally-world shoppers. He made her wear sweatpants and one of his slightly-used wife beaters (can we say that), OK, scratch that. Slightly-used tank tops. That's cruel and unsual punishment.

Another first-time player has jumped into the water and certainly did it in style ... Alan "Karate Kid' Banks belly-flopped his way to a 5-5 ticket. Nice work! Reminds of the story of him placing 12th (out of 12 contestants) at a Lipscomb talent show. Seems he tried to juggle 6 doughnut holes, got cramps in his quads during the first toss. One-word ... non- glazed! And by the way 'Karate Kid', it's never to early to panic.

Late to the 5-5 party was 'Ninja' Pirtle ... he's busy as the new Cuban jobs czar. He estimates about 10 more lefty relief pitchers with a nasty slider should jump start that economy back to its glory days. Ship multi-million dollar signing bonuses back to Havanah in giant cigar box. Get it ... Havanah-cigar box ... classic. Ouch, really, 4-6. Ralph 'D-1' Sharp and 'Jumpin' Joe Campbell at the bottom of the food chain along with 'Expert' Mack 'the Knife'. Hey 'Knife', call Banks and ask how it feels to be in a perputal state of downward dog. He should have plenty of heart-warming and up- lifting advice for ya.

Week 4 fun begins today, send those picks to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or fax to 667 -9160. Last one in the pool has to apply Nancy Pelosi's makeup for a week. Yikes, break out the chisel and take cover from that once-a-day blink!

Week 4 Games: Lex. Lafayette @ Henry Clay
North Carolina @ Rutgers
Arkansas @ Alabama
South Carolina @ Auburn
West Virginia @ LSU
Detroit @ Minnesota
Dallas @ Houston
Philadelphia @ Jacksonville
San Diego @ Seattle
Tiebreaker: Webster County @ McLean Co.

Posted by Karen Klay Orange - iSurf News

© Copyright 2014 SurfKY News Group, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or rewritten without permission. SurfKY News encourages you to share this story by using one of the social media links below.

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