davesays300 greenKENTUCKY (7/21/13) – This week Dave discusses Getting the guilt trip and Wants aren’t emergencies.
Dear Dave,
My parents have always had financial problems, and they recently lost their home. They have a place to live, but since that time my father has been asking me for money. He calls me over to talk about this when my mother isn’t there and my husband isn’t home. He’s even asked for half of a $150,000 inheritance I received from my grandparents. He’s really making me feel guilty, and I’m not sure what to do. - Elena

Dear Elena,
Your brain knows what to do, but your heart is having a hard time doing it. Your father is a manipulator, and we’re not going to let that pattern continue. There’s nothing wrong with doing a few, short-term things to help them get back on their feet. But in return, you should expect them to change the behaviors that have put them in this situation.

Also, there should be no more private meetings with your father. If he wants to talk, make sure he understands it will be with your husband and mother present. To this point all of his schemes have been on the side, and this needs to be brought out into the open and stopped. You love your parents. That, along with your dad’s behavior, is what’s making this so difficult. But participating in this sort of thing isn’t going to help them. You take away a person’s dignity when you subsidize them permanently. You also change their status and their ability to stand on their own two feet.

Any help you give needs to be short-term in nature—a gift. You and your husband should be in agreement on exactly what you’re going to do, and it should be on your terms. Don’t get involved in giving them money every month for the rest of their lives just because they had you. That’s not how this works. There’s an ongoing sense of entitlement here that needs to be nipped in the bud! - Dave
Dear Dave,
My husband and I are trying to improve our financial situation by following your plan. We were wondering where home improvements fall in the Baby Steps. - Emily

Dear Emily,
Unless you’re talking about an emergency situation, home improvements would fall into the category of wants, not needs. If you’d like new carpet, nicer windows or an updated kitchen, these things need to wait until after you’ve completed the first three Baby Steps.

Let’s review. Baby Step 1 means saving up $1,000 in the bank for a starter emergency fund. Baby Step 2 is paying off all debts except for your home. The third Baby Step is going back to your emergency fund and building it up so you have an amount equal to three to six months of expenses in case something goes wrong.

Once you’ve gotten to this point, you’ll be able to save and do some other things, including a few home improvements! - Dave

* Dave Ramsey is America’s trusted voice on money and business. He’s authored four New York Times best-selling books: Financial Peace, More Than Enough, The Total Money Makeover and EntreLeadership. The Dave Ramsey Show is heard by more than 6 million listeners each week on more than 500 radio stations. Follow Dave on Twitter at @DaveRamsey and on the web at daveramsey.com.

Disclaimer: The content supplied by columnists and letters to the Editor on this site does not in any way, shape or form, implied or otherwise, necessarily express or suggest endorsement or support of any of such content, statement, or opinions therein. SurfKY News does not necessarily adhere to or endorse content provided by outside non-staff sources.

e-max.it: your social media marketing partner

LIKE SurfKY on Facebook - Click here to LIKE us now.

© Copyright 2015 SurfKY News Group, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or rewritten without permission. SurfKY News encourages you to share this story on social media.

In Other News...

Officer Allegedly Assaulted by Burglary Suspect

HENDERSON, , Ky. (10/8/15) — According to a Henderson Police Department report, on Oct. 7, 2015, officers responded to… Read More

Henderson County Police Reports

HENDERSON, Ky. (10/9/15) — The Henderson Police Department released the following reports. On Thursday, Oct. 8, 2015, a… Read More

Most Read This Week

October 06, 2015 4855

County Passes Occupational Tax Ordinance

by Doreen Dennis, SurfKY News
October 07, 2015 4745

Alleged Attempt to Hide Meth in Doughnuts Results…

by SurfKY News
October 05, 2015 4092

Four Charged with Drug Offenses after Motel…

by SurfKY News
October 06, 2015 3789

Dawson Man Charged with Cultivating Marijuana,…

by SurfKY News
October 07, 2015 3254

Vehicle Overturns during Two-Car Collision

by Rita Dukes Smith, SurfKY News Director

Most Read This Month

September 16, 2015 13398

Mining Accident Fatality - Update

by Doreen Dennis, SurfKY News
September 30, 2015 11460

Dawson Woman Dead After Princeton Factory…

by SurfKY News

Stories Trending Now

October 08, 2015 1421

Madisonville Police Department Reports Released -…

by SurfKY News
October 08, 2015 1257

Hopkins County Health Department Food Scores Thru…

by SurfKY News
October 08, 2015 1199

Local Pastor's Son Filming Documentary about…

by Doreen Dennis, SurfKY News
October 08, 2015 923

Work Zone Lane Restriction on Pennyrile Pkwy Set…

by SurfKY News
October 08, 2015 831

Democratic Candidate for Governor Jack Conway…

by SurfKY News
October 08, 2015 801

Registration for Free 'Project Hire Kentucky'…

by SurfKY News
October 09, 2015 763

Travis Ipox Appointed as New Agency Manager of…

by SurfKY News
October 09, 2015 734

Hopkins District Court Fines Handed Down

by SurfKY News
October 08, 2015 646

Guns - Stopping That One Person

by SurfKY News
October 08, 2015 618

UPDATE: Mortons Gap Boil Water Advisory Lifted

by SurfKY News