davesays300 greenKENTUCKY (7/21/13) – This week Dave discusses Getting the guilt trip and Wants aren’t emergencies.
 
Dear Dave,
My parents have always had financial problems, and they recently lost their home. They have a place to live, but since that time my father has been asking me for money. He calls me over to talk about this when my mother isn’t there and my husband isn’t home. He’s even asked for half of a $150,000 inheritance I received from my grandparents. He’s really making me feel guilty, and I’m not sure what to do. - Elena

Dear Elena,
Your brain knows what to do, but your heart is having a hard time doing it. Your father is a manipulator, and we’re not going to let that pattern continue. There’s nothing wrong with doing a few, short-term things to help them get back on their feet. But in return, you should expect them to change the behaviors that have put them in this situation.

Also, there should be no more private meetings with your father. If he wants to talk, make sure he understands it will be with your husband and mother present. To this point all of his schemes have been on the side, and this needs to be brought out into the open and stopped. You love your parents. That, along with your dad’s behavior, is what’s making this so difficult. But participating in this sort of thing isn’t going to help them. You take away a person’s dignity when you subsidize them permanently. You also change their status and their ability to stand on their own two feet.

Any help you give needs to be short-term in nature—a gift. You and your husband should be in agreement on exactly what you’re going to do, and it should be on your terms. Don’t get involved in giving them money every month for the rest of their lives just because they had you. That’s not how this works. There’s an ongoing sense of entitlement here that needs to be nipped in the bud! - Dave
 
Dear Dave,
My husband and I are trying to improve our financial situation by following your plan. We were wondering where home improvements fall in the Baby Steps. - Emily

Dear Emily,
Unless you’re talking about an emergency situation, home improvements would fall into the category of wants, not needs. If you’d like new carpet, nicer windows or an updated kitchen, these things need to wait until after you’ve completed the first three Baby Steps.

Let’s review. Baby Step 1 means saving up $1,000 in the bank for a starter emergency fund. Baby Step 2 is paying off all debts except for your home. The third Baby Step is going back to your emergency fund and building it up so you have an amount equal to three to six months of expenses in case something goes wrong.

Once you’ve gotten to this point, you’ll be able to save and do some other things, including a few home improvements! - Dave

* Dave Ramsey is America’s trusted voice on money and business. He’s authored four New York Times best-selling books: Financial Peace, More Than Enough, The Total Money Makeover and EntreLeadership. The Dave Ramsey Show is heard by more than 6 million listeners each week on more than 500 radio stations. Follow Dave on Twitter at @DaveRamsey and on the web at daveramsey.com.
 

Disclaimer: The content supplied by columnists and letters to the Editor on this site does not in any way, shape or form, implied or otherwise, necessarily express or suggest endorsement or support of any of such content, statement, or opinions therein. SurfKY News does not necessarily adhere to or endorse content provided by outside non-staff sources.

e-max.it: your social media marketing partner

LIKE SurfKY on Facebook - Click here to LIKE us now.

© Copyright 2015 SurfKY News Group, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or rewritten without permission. SurfKY News encourages you to share this story on social media.

In Other News...

Owensboro's Back Alley Musicals Staging 'Fiddler on the Roof'

OWENSBORO, Ky. (7/4/15) — Back Alley Musicals will stage Fiddler on the Roof featuring a very talented cast of 56 local… Read More

Most Read This Week

July 02, 2015 14501

Emergency Response Team on Scene of Standoff on…

by Doreen Dennis, SurfKY News
July 02, 2015 6788

Police: Stand Off Suspect in Critical Condition

by Doreen Dennis, SurfKY News
June 29, 2015 5176

UPDATE: Victim of Home Invasion/Homicide Died of…

by SurfKY News
June 29, 2015 3947

Accused Synthetic Marijuana Traffickers Appear in…

by Doreen Dennis, SurfKY News
June 28, 2015 3636

'Curb Service’ at Local Eatery Ends with DUI…

by Doreen Dennis, SurfKY News

Most Read This Month

June 24, 2015 45308

Western Kentucky, Southern Indiana's Largest…

by Doreen Dennis, SurfKY News
July 02, 2015 14501

Emergency Response Team on Scene of Standoff on…

by Doreen Dennis, SurfKY News

Stories Trending Now

July 03, 2015 2829

KMA Reminds Motorist of New Kentucky Red Light Law

by David Holt
July 03, 2015 1037

Planning Commission Approves Re-zoning…

by Tammy Holloway, SurfKY News
July 03, 2015 969

County Clerk Warns of Telephone Scam in Hopkins…

by Keenan Cloern
July 03, 2015 921

UPDATE - Suspicious Package under Investigation

by SurfKY News
July 03, 2015 823

States Where Motorcycles Can Run Red Lights…

by Michelle Megna
July 03, 2015 528

Pet of the Day

by Natalie Ostrander
July 04, 2015 461

Heavy Rains Flood Streets Around Town

by Doreen Dennis, SurfKY News
July 03, 2015 391

Beechmont All Stars Defeat Auburn All Stars 10-2

by Mike Groves, SurfKY News
July 03, 2015 391

Central City All Stars Top Bremen All Stars 8-5

by Mike Groves, SurfKY News
July 03, 2015 373

Kentucky Lottery Results for Thursday July 2, 2015

by Kentucky Lottery