davesays300 greenKENTUCKY (7/21/13) – This week Dave discusses Getting the guilt trip and Wants aren’t emergencies.
 
Dear Dave,
My parents have always had financial problems, and they recently lost their home. They have a place to live, but since that time my father has been asking me for money. He calls me over to talk about this when my mother isn’t there and my husband isn’t home. He’s even asked for half of a $150,000 inheritance I received from my grandparents. He’s really making me feel guilty, and I’m not sure what to do. - Elena

Dear Elena,
Your brain knows what to do, but your heart is having a hard time doing it. Your father is a manipulator, and we’re not going to let that pattern continue. There’s nothing wrong with doing a few, short-term things to help them get back on their feet. But in return, you should expect them to change the behaviors that have put them in this situation.

Also, there should be no more private meetings with your father. If he wants to talk, make sure he understands it will be with your husband and mother present. To this point all of his schemes have been on the side, and this needs to be brought out into the open and stopped. You love your parents. That, along with your dad’s behavior, is what’s making this so difficult. But participating in this sort of thing isn’t going to help them. You take away a person’s dignity when you subsidize them permanently. You also change their status and their ability to stand on their own two feet.

Any help you give needs to be short-term in nature—a gift. You and your husband should be in agreement on exactly what you’re going to do, and it should be on your terms. Don’t get involved in giving them money every month for the rest of their lives just because they had you. That’s not how this works. There’s an ongoing sense of entitlement here that needs to be nipped in the bud! - Dave
 
Dear Dave,
My husband and I are trying to improve our financial situation by following your plan. We were wondering where home improvements fall in the Baby Steps. - Emily

Dear Emily,
Unless you’re talking about an emergency situation, home improvements would fall into the category of wants, not needs. If you’d like new carpet, nicer windows or an updated kitchen, these things need to wait until after you’ve completed the first three Baby Steps.

Let’s review. Baby Step 1 means saving up $1,000 in the bank for a starter emergency fund. Baby Step 2 is paying off all debts except for your home. The third Baby Step is going back to your emergency fund and building it up so you have an amount equal to three to six months of expenses in case something goes wrong.

Once you’ve gotten to this point, you’ll be able to save and do some other things, including a few home improvements! - Dave

* Dave Ramsey is America’s trusted voice on money and business. He’s authored four New York Times best-selling books: Financial Peace, More Than Enough, The Total Money Makeover and EntreLeadership. The Dave Ramsey Show is heard by more than 6 million listeners each week on more than 500 radio stations. Follow Dave on Twitter at @DaveRamsey and on the web at daveramsey.com.
 

Disclaimer: The content supplied by columnists and letters to the Editor on this site does not in any way, shape or form, implied or otherwise, necessarily express or suggest endorsement or support of any of such content, statement, or opinions therein. SurfKY News does not necessarily adhere to or endorse content provided by outside non-staff sources.

e-max.it: your social media marketing partner

LIKE SurfKY on Facebook - Click here to LIKE us now.

© Copyright 2015 SurfKY News Group, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or rewritten without permission. SurfKY News encourages you to share this story on social media.

Posted on 2/2/14
3/13 - 16
3/13 - 16

Most Read This Week

July 30, 2015 4029

Webster Man Leads Police on Chase through Parts…

by SurfKY News
July 31, 2015 3909

Miss Hopkins County Fair 2015 Chosen

by Tammy Holloway, SurfKY News
August 01, 2015 2713

24th Annual Miss Teen Hopkins County Fair Pageant…

by Tammy Holloway, SurfKY News
July 29, 2015 2608

Crime Stoppers Top Most Wanted - July 29, 2015

by SurfKY News
August 01, 2015 2511

Little Miss, Mister Hopkins County Fair Chosen

by Tammy Holloway, SurfKY News

Most Read This Month

July 17, 2015 16868

Muhlenberg Most Wanted - Top 10

by SurfKY News
July 23, 2015 15857

UPDATE: Family Confirms Body of Missing Teen…

by Shawn Freels, SurfKY News

Stories Trending Now

August 04, 2015 1828

Hopkins School System Has More Hiring to Do

by Tammy Holloway, SurfKY News
August 03, 2015 1694

Tiniest Division of Hopkins County Fair Pageants…

by Tammy Holloway, SurfKY News
August 03, 2015 1519

Two Injured in Motorcycle Accident

by SurfKY News
August 03, 2015 1320

Man Accused of Using Craig's List to Encourage…

by SurfKY News
August 03, 2015 1130

Back To School Bash Brings Crowd to Mall

by Tammy Holloway, SurfKY News
August 04, 2015 1128

No. 9 Steakhouse Owners Working to Rebuild Dream

by Doreen Dennis, SurfKY News
August 03, 2015 1099

Two Vehicle Collision Injures One, Driver…

by SurfKY News
August 03, 2015 1089

Madisonville Police Reports Released

by SurfKY News
August 03, 2015 971

Vehicle Accident Results in One Fatality

by SurfKY News
August 04, 2015 823

UPDATE: AT&T Engineers Identify Phone…

by Rita Dukes Smith, SurfKY News Director