Pick Your Community: | Hopkins | Muhlenberg | Daviess | Christian | Henderson | Lakes | McCracken | Webster
Davis Motor Sales banner ad

Dave Says – July 21, 2013

davesays300 greenKENTUCKY (7/21/13) – This week Dave discusses Getting the guilt trip and Wants aren’t emergencies.
 
Dear Dave,
My parents have always had financial problems, and they recently lost their home. They have a place to live, but since that time my father has been asking me for money. He calls me over to talk about this when my mother isn’t there and my husband isn’t home. He’s even asked for half of a $150,000 inheritance I received from my grandparents. He’s really making me feel guilty, and I’m not sure what to do. - Elena

Dear Elena,
Your brain knows what to do, but your heart is having a hard time doing it. Your father is a manipulator, and we’re not going to let that pattern continue. There’s nothing wrong with doing a few, short-term things to help them get back on their feet. But in return, you should expect them to change the behaviors that have put them in this situation.

Also, there should be no more private meetings with your father. If he wants to talk, make sure he understands it will be with your husband and mother present. To this point all of his schemes have been on the side, and this needs to be brought out into the open and stopped. You love your parents. That, along with your dad’s behavior, is what’s making this so difficult. But participating in this sort of thing isn’t going to help them. You take away a person’s dignity when you subsidize them permanently. You also change their status and their ability to stand on their own two feet.

Any help you give needs to be short-term in nature—a gift. You and your husband should be in agreement on exactly what you’re going to do, and it should be on your terms. Don’t get involved in giving them money every month for the rest of their lives just because they had you. That’s not how this works. There’s an ongoing sense of entitlement here that needs to be nipped in the bud! - Dave
 
Dear Dave,
My husband and I are trying to improve our financial situation by following your plan. We were wondering where home improvements fall in the Baby Steps. - Emily

Dear Emily,
Unless you’re talking about an emergency situation, home improvements would fall into the category of wants, not needs. If you’d like new carpet, nicer windows or an updated kitchen, these things need to wait until after you’ve completed the first three Baby Steps.

Let’s review. Baby Step 1 means saving up $1,000 in the bank for a starter emergency fund. Baby Step 2 is paying off all debts except for your home. The third Baby Step is going back to your emergency fund and building it up so you have an amount equal to three to six months of expenses in case something goes wrong.

Once you’ve gotten to this point, you’ll be able to save and do some other things, including a few home improvements! - Dave

* Dave Ramsey is America’s trusted voice on money and business. He’s authored four New York Times best-selling books: Financial Peace, More Than Enough, The Total Money Makeover and EntreLeadership. The Dave Ramsey Show is heard by more than 6 million listeners each week on more than 500 radio stations. Follow Dave on Twitter at @DaveRamsey and on the web at daveramsey.com.
 

Disclaimer: The content supplied by columnists and letters to the Editor on this site does not in any way, shape or form, implied or otherwise, necessarily express or suggest endorsement or support of any of such content, statement, or opinions therein. SurfKY News does not necessarily adhere to or endorse content provided by outside non-staff sources.

© Copyright 2014 SurfKY News Group, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, or rewritten without permission. SurfKY News encourages you to share this story by using one of the social media links below.

Posted on 2/2/14
Genovese - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=35646&sub= Lewis - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=bracken_lewis Holt - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=drholt Napier - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=dr.napier_page Newman - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=50353
Genovese - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=35646&sub= Lewis - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=bracken_lewis Holt - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=drholt Napier - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=dr.napier_page Newman - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=50353
2/6/2014 - posted
3/13 - 16
Started 11/8/2013
Started 11/8/2013
Genovese - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=35646&sub= Lewis - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=bracken_lewis Holt - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=drholt Napier - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=dr.napier_page Newman - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=50353
Genovese - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=35646&sub= Lewis - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=bracken_lewis Holt - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=drholt Napier - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=dr.napier_page Newman - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=50353
2/6/2014 - posted
3/13 - 16
Started 11/8/2013
Started 11/8/2013
Genovese - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=35646&sub= Lewis - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=bracken_lewis Holt - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=drholt Napier - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=dr.napier_page Newman - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=50353
Genovese - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=35646&sub= Lewis - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=bracken_lewis Holt - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=drholt Napier - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=dr.napier_page Newman - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=50353
2/6/2014 - posted
3/13 - 16
Started 11/8/2013
Started 11/8/2013
Genovese - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=35646&sub= Lewis - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=bracken_lewis Holt - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=drholt Napier - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=dr.napier_page Newman - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=50353
Genovese - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=35646&sub= Lewis - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=bracken_lewis Holt - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=drholt Napier - http://www.mchky.org/getpage.php?name=dr.napier_page Newman - http://www.mchky.org/staff/bio.php?doc_id=50353
2/6/2014 - posted
3/13 - 16
Started 11/8/2013
Started 11/8/2013

Most Read This Week (Site-Wide)

September 19, 2014 4566

Madisonville Man Among Three Arrested for…

in Top Stories by Muhlenberg Sheriff Curtis McGehee
September 20, 2014 3406

Large Cache of Drugs, Cash, Gun Seized;…

in Top Stories by MCSO PIO Alex Piper
September 17, 2014 3395

Wanted Man Leads Troopers on Chase…

in Top Stories by Trooper Stu Recke
September 18, 2014 3004

Hopkins County Grand Jury Indictments

in News by Karen McKnight
September 19, 2014 2812

Five Injured in Two-Vehicle Collision at…

in Top Stories by MPD Officer Russell Nichols

Most Read Stories from Hopkins County

September 17, 2014 3395

Wanted Man Leads Troopers on Chase…

in Top Stories by Trooper Stu Recke
September 19, 2014 2812

Five Injured in Two-Vehicle Collision at…

in Top Stories by MPD Officer Russell Nichols
September 18, 2014 1881

Manitou Man Charged with DUI

in Top Stories by Madisonville Police Department
September 18, 2014 1798

Vehicle Strikes CSX Train Cars at Crossing

in Top Stories by Trooper Stu Recke
September 19, 2014 1480

My Kentucky Roads - Twin Maples Farm in…

in Top Stories by Amber Averitt, SurfKY News

Most Read Stories from Owensboro

September 20, 2014 1038

Man Charged with Theft After KSP…

in Top Stories by Alexis McGee
September 19, 2014 859

STREET CLOSINGS FOR MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 22

in Top Stories by Abby Shelton
September 19, 2014 829

Police Searching for Hit-And-Run Driver

in Top Stories by Jennifer Smith, DCSO
September 18, 2014 671

Owensboro's Nathan Morris Has Worldwide…

in Top Stories by Paul McRee, SurfKY News
September 18, 2014 497

9-1-1 Phone Lines

in Top Stories by Michael Hathaway

Most Read Stories from Muhlenberg County

September 20, 2014 3406

Large Cache of Drugs, Cash, Gun Seized;…

in Top Stories by MCSO PIO Alex Piper
September 20, 2014 1554

Paradise NRA Banquet Promises Food, Fun,…

in Top Stories by Paul McRee, SurfKY News
September 22, 2014 599

Third Suspect Charged in Greenville Home…

in Top Stories by MCITF PIO Wes Miller
September 22, 2014 515

Hundreds Turn Out for Greenville Festival

in Top Stories by Charles W. Riley II, SurfKY News
September 22, 2014 438

Muhlenberg Bass Team Members Score…

in Top Stories by Paul McRee, SurfKY News

SurfKY News Group, Inc. Central Office & Printing Division
1125 Nebo Rd.  •  Madisonville, KY 42431  •  270.452.2249 (fax)
Main Number: 270.452.2727 (phone)  •  Printing Division Direct Line: 270.821.8600 (phone)


Contact a member of our staff: www.surfky.com/contact
Copyright © 2014 SurfKY News Group, Inc.  •  Terms of Use  •  Site Map

social 03social 04social 22social 21social 06